Handling a boss who crushes on you

Trish Makiwa / Posted On: 5 July 2021 / Updated On: 2 December 2022 / Human Resources General / 1,714

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Handling a boss who crushes on you



We have all had crushes on someone. There are moments when you have a strong feeling for someone but finding the words to express it is not easy. As a result, you may use a combination of verbal and nonverbal signals to convey your message. This can also happen in the natural world. Your employer could have a crush on you and communicate it in a variety of ways. Have they recently started sending you nice messages? Are they treating you better than before? As a result, there's a chance they have a crush on you. I use the word "possibility" because you must proceed with caution.


There is a slew of subtle (and not-so-subtle) signals that your boss likes you. If they send you strange texts, flirt with you at work, or invite you to hang out outside of work, be wary. But there are a few things you should know before you decide to sit back and enjoy the advantages of their admiration. It's always flattering to discover out someone has a crush on you, says Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and author of "The Humour Advantage," but it can cause problems at work, especially if it's your boss.

 

While you may, at least momentarily, have as, he says, while you may have a powerful ally in your employer, there are other possible drawbacks to the scenario.

  • First, the supervisor may unintentionally start showing you such much preference that talk spreads across the company, causing your co-workers to detest and even distrust you, he says. "Colleagues may believe you take credit for things you don't deserve."
  • You may also not receive the honest feedback you require to advance in your profession. In extreme circumstances, an admiring supervisor may hinder you from being promoted or pursuing better career possibilities in other areas or departments.
  • "And if your employer feels your feelings aren't reciprocated, even if it's only a light-hearted crush," Kerr writes, "they may wind up resenting you or becoming envious and venting their upset feelings on you in bad ways."

 

Fortunately, she claims, you can take diplomatic efforts early on to end the most unwelcome flirtation.

  • If you're looking for a "First and foremost, be sure you don't overreact. At work, there are always folks who are chatty or too grateful to everyone. Use your emotional intelligence to figure out what your boss really wants."
  • "Have an honest discussion about your feelings with your supervisor in a neutral place away from all distractions and colleagues". Don't make any accusations against your supervisor; simply communicate your concerns and how they are making you feel."
  • Maintain a positive tone and dialogue by emphasizing how much you appreciate your boss, enjoy your work, and don't want anything to get in the way of your professional progress inadvertently. Inquire with your manager whether there is anything you can do to ensure that the relationship remains professional at all times.

 

What is the best way to deal with this?

The short answer is that you must inform the person while safeguarding your position. If you remain silent, you may become the object of gossip, and the situation may worsen. If your employer is unrelenting in his pursuit of you, you may be forced to submit an official complaint with HR or seek legal advice.

  • Take care not to overreact.

 

At work, there are always folks who are chatty or too grateful to everyone. Fortunately, you can take diplomatic and efficient methods early on to put an end to the majority of unwanted flirtations, but be careful not to overreact. Use your emotional intelligence to figure out what your boss really wants.

  • Take action as soon as possible.

 

Every expert agrees that these problems should not linger for too long and should be dealt with as soon as feasible. So, meet with your supervisor in a neutral location, away from any distractions and co-workers, and have an open and honest conversation about your feelings. Please don't make any accusations against your supervisor; simply communicate your concerns and how they are making you feel. Be bold but not rude, and relay your message as clear as day.

 

Maintain a pleasant tone and dialogue by emphasizing how much you appreciate your boss, how much you enjoy your work, and how you don't want anything to get in the way of your career progress inadvertently. Inquire with your supervisor whether you can do anything to ensure that the relationship remains professional and respectful.

 

Proceed with caution if you suspect your supervisor expects more from you than an annual report. You don't want to jump to any conclusions and add to the awkwardness of the situation. Begin by ensuring that your behaviour does not reflect any form of common interest or that your interactions are not accidentally flirty. This could involve keeping conversations about your personal life to a minimum.

 

It's time to speak out if your boss makes a decisive move, such as drawing you in for a full-body embrace or buying you an expensive present. Let them know that, as much as you appreciate your friendship, you'd like to maintain your relationship professional. If the behaviour continues to make you feel uneasy, it's time to talk to HR.

 

In Pat Benatar's words, love is a battleground, but the office doesn't have to be. You'll be able to avoid embarrassing situations and keep things professional for everyone involved if you handle workplace crushes with care and subtlety.

 

Tips and Techniques for Dealing with Workplace Crushes:

  • Maintain a professional demeanour in the workplace: You must maintain a professional demeanour in the workplace at all times. It is necessary to establish a professional reputation at work. However, by acting properly, you can put things in perspective and guarantee that you keep your work.
  • Focus the right way: This means you should try to avoid staring pensively at your supervisor while you're at work. Furthermore, staring like this is impolite and can cause problems.
  • Be practical: You must also be realistic. Never let your emotions (whether you accept or disapprove of your boss's actions) get in the way of your common sense. Maintain your sanity and ensure that you keep everything in a rational and accurate perspective.
  • Remain calm: You must maintain a cool, calm, and composed demeanour at all times. Don't get giddy or emotional. If necessary, act as if your supervisor isn't there at all (zone out or get very busy when you notice them approaching or heading your way), especially if that's what you need to do to keep things running smoothly.

 

Use a firm, clear tone of voice and customize your response to the circumstances. When you're turning someone down, it's crucial to appear calm and confident, even if you don't feel that way on the inside. It conveys to the other person that you are serious, confident, and assertive. If you're alone, how you frame this depends on the scenario and how unsafe you feel. For example, if you don't feel frightened, say, "No, I'm not interested." If other people are around, say something like, "No, leave me alone." If you're feeling uneasy, say, "No, and I'd prefer it if you'd back off." If you're upset, you should be firm. "Do not whistle at me," "No, step away from me now," or "Do not touch me,

  • Don't become a gossip: If you accept presents and try to keep it low-key while enjoying the perks, talk may spread. Gossip can give you a poor name by making you appear unprofessional. If you're concerned about these dangers, it's important to say or inform your supervisor that you're not interested in the gestures because it jeopardizes your job security and reputation.

 

It will be appropriate to speak with someone who is not a co-worker. • Tell a friend about your predicament: Having someone else know about your predicament will relieve some of the pressure of having your boss crush on you. Your friend can offer more than just a sympathetic ear; they may also have some counsel to offer.

  • Set a boundary: If you're determined not to become involved in office romance for fear of jeopardizing your job or for any other reason, make guidelines to keep others from crushing on you. For example, you could only engage with your employer when there are other people around, as this will help you avoid awkward circumstances. Setting limits can often make it easier to relieve stress and let go of emotions.
  • Remind yourself that you are in charge: your emotions should not influence you. Remind yourself that you are the boss. Maintain a calm, steady head no matter how irritated you are. Though you feel as if your emotions are taking control, it means you've let them get under your skin. Control your thoughts and feelings, and channel your feelings into more productive and good action.
  • Don't feel bad: If you find out that your boss has a crush on you and you tell them you're not interested, don't feel bad about it (most ties you feel pressured and guilty that they may start hating you or may add more work for you to do simply because you have turned them down) Allowing such feelings to flourish in you will have negative consequences in your professional life.
  • Lie if you need to: Although saying I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" isn't ideal, it can get the job done. It would help if you didn't have to justify why you're declining someone's request. However, if you feel uncomfortable or dangerous, it's more vital to get out of the situation as soon as possible. You have the option of tailoring your response to the scenario and your level of fear." I'm not interested," for example. "I've got a boyfriend. "I'm in a relationship, and my girlfriend is coming back any second..."" I'm sorry, but I'm already booked." "I'm happily married, so no,".
  • If you feel safe doing so, request that your boss cease the insulting behaviour. They may not be aware that their actions are bothering you in some circumstances. Do not, however, confront your supervisor directly if you are too uncomfortable – or unsafe.
  • If the problem persists, contact your human resources department. HR should be helpful and may point you on the right path for resolving the issue. The HR department may conduct its inquiry, depending on the size of the organization. However, in some circumstances, they are of little or no use.

 

In some instances, if you do not do anything about that behaviour or crush or if one does not address it at an early stage, it will result in the whole case becoming more of sexual harassment, which is something we do not want to occur within the workplace environment or outside. Even less visible action can be classified as sexual harassment, even though overt sexual advances can be highly embarrassing and threatening. The following are some examples of workplace sexual harassment if one does not address the matter firmly:

  • statements concerning gender that are incorrect or unpleasant,
  • repeated remarks regarding a person's attractiveness ( how your body look in certain clothing, how makeup suits you, how your legs cause their heads to spin, or how your perfume makes them feel some way.)
  • Comments or images sent over email, WhatsApp that were unacceptable or inappropriate.
  • For instance, if your employer follows a certain schedule that has everything to do with you.

 

When a targeted employee is subjected to sexual harassment in the form of flirtation, repeated requests for dates, or open sexual approaches, the work environment can become quite frightening. As a result, if the crush is not handled correctly, all these will become a problem for the employee as the working environment becomes unhealthy and suffocating to work in.

 

The attractions develop when you spend most of your day with that individual and share many of the events that occur throughout the day. However, you must be able to rationalize the repercussions of such crushes so that you do not deviate from your existing employment scenario and instead concentrate on your work rather than your personal life. As you have to face the individual every day, channelling your emotions becomes even more critical. Remember that you won't be able to get rid of the problem; instead, you'll have to deal with it effectively.

 


Trish Makiwa
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